You may be confusing a need to be free with a need to feel safe. Emotional wounds from the distant past still tend to sting you now and again, and they`re controlling you when you should be controlling them. Do what you can to get in touch with those deepest feelings. Right now things are stacking up so that you`ll soon be in a wonderful position. You`ll be able to reacquaint yourself with the wisdom you gathered without putting yourself through all the old-style turmoil.